When you are caring for your parents.

Nobody Said Parenting Was Going To Be Easy.

There comes a phase in life when it’s up to you to care for your parents.

(That is, provided you have a close relationship with them. Some…perhaps many…adults do not have a close relationship with their parents. That is neither good, nor bad. No judgments here. If you are one of those people it still might help to read this article.)

Sometimes people may choose to care for their parents in their home. This can be a wonderful option for some of us. But there are some things you’ve got to think about committing to having Mom or Dad move in with you and your family.

1) Understand How Much Care Is Needed.

Sometimes our hearts are BIGGER than our capacity to TRULY help. The first step in having your elderly parent live with you is to have a realistic idea of just how much care is needed. The next step is to come up with a list of the Daily, Weekly and Monthly tasks. Don’t forget weekends and holidays. Take it all into account.

As time goes on, things will change. Meds will be altered. Times will be different. KEEP writing things down. Be honest with yourself as to whether you can take on this responsibility.

2) Consider How Much Help You Can Give Without Harming Your Own Health.

Often, especially as men, we can take on more than we can actually handle. We THINK we can do it. We take on the weight of the world without complaining. But we have to say when too much - is - too much. We do not want to become the reason our parents (and family) hit a road block.

Stress is a deceptive bugger. It can creep up on you. Take self-assessments daily. Know when to make a change and/or ask for help.

You will do NO ONE any good if your health fails.

3) Get Help When You Need It.

It may seem like a HUGE pain in the ass…and that finding help can be daunting…but there will come a time when you need professional help. It will most likely start small, and grow from there.

While Mom or Dad is still feeling good, you can look into programs like the Senior Corps. The Senior Corps connects adults aged 55+ with organizations that could benefit from their skills and expertise. It’s a great way for older adults to stay active and participate in their communities. One of their programs, Senior Companions, pairs active seniors with older adults who aren’t as independent or mobile.

As things progress you may need more specific help or just need a bit of a break to re-charge your batteries. That is where Respite Care comes in. These caregiving services can take place in the home or at an assisted living community, typically for less than a month. You can find Respite Care here.

Don’t be afraid to step away, collect yourself, and come back stronger.

For those of us that can not take on the role of caregiver in their home, here are some tips to find an Assisted Living Facility.

This may end up making you feel like shit…but…it may be what’s best.

Here is a link to help you find the right Assisted Living Facility for you and your family.

Here are a couple of things to think about when looking for a place that Mom or Dad will call home.

1) Pay Close Attention To Cleanliness And Curb Appeal.

The details are IMPORTANT. This will give you an indication as to how the facility is run. I heard this quote before, “You can tell if a company will succeed by how clean their bathrooms are.” The more clean the bathroom is - the more likely that company will be around a long time. It shows PRIDE in what you are doing. And if it were me, I’d want these caregivers to take PRIDE in caring for my parent.

2) Get To Know The Caregiver That Will Be Caring For Your Parent.

Relationships make the world go round. This goes with your parent’s caregiver as well.

This works on two fronts.

One, it will give you an idea of the quality of person he/she is. You want an upstanding, morally good person caring for your elderly parent. It will give you an idea of their ability to perform the task they are undertaking. Can they give your parent the care they need.

Two, the better the relationship you have with them, the more likely they are to give your parent the quality they deserve. Think about it. If your friend asked you to do something for them, you would most likely do it…and do it well. If a stranger asked you to do something, you might be more inclined to do “just enough”. You don’t want your parent’s caregiver to do “just enough” to keep your parent alive.

3) Avoid Sticker Shock - Come Prepared.

Assisted Living Facilities can be costly. When searching for a place for your Mom or Dad to call home, do your homework.

Determine whether the community you’re touring uses all-inclusive pricing, tiered pricing based on levels of care, a la carte pricing, or another model. Avoid sticker shock by asking about move-in fees and contract terms. A business office manager can answer these questions and address related concerns.

Ask about their billing and payment policies. Ask if all services are included in the monthly fee. If not, what services are not covered and how much extra do they cost?

Also, swallow our pride and ask if there any government, private, or corporate programs available to help cover the cost of services to the resident?

Some people look at this phase of life as a burden. They get bogged down in feeling overwhelmed by caring for their parents, caring for their own children, work, friends, etc.

My advice, look at this as a BLESSING. At least you HAVE a parent to care for. At least you get that extra time with them. TALK TO THEM. Ask them those things you’ve always wanted to ask them. Don’t treat them like they are a burden to you.

Just remember, they took care of you…now it’s your turn.

The Circle of Life baby.